gravewalking

This is my villanelle that HK decided to lose. I will print out 5 copies of it and give it to him on Monday. :)

- - -

He lies like a grave,
with open, honest deceit.
Wandering in the cemetery, I know I must be brave.

In the darkness, the branches seem to wave,
but not with pleasure do they greet.
He lies like a grave.

I see nothing left to save,
but I won’t let my heart sink in defeat.
Wandering in the cemetery, I know I must be brave.

At the apex, night swallows the moon like a cave.
Thoughts are born and die on repeat.
He lies like a grave.

I see them sleeping below the hill and crave
the cessation of my heart’s beat.
He lies like a grave.
Wandering in the cemetery, I know I must be brave.

Comments

[Reena]

Calloo callay! Lovely, albeit dark.

[Jake R]

I really like the villanelle. Too bad we didn't do this earlier so you could get it into crest.

[Theresa Y.]

nice. favorite line: "I see them sleeping below the hill and crave
the cessation of my heart’s beat."

but why does he want to die, and yet not to die at the same time?

[Natty Dread]

thank you all for commenting :)

i think of this poem as more of a progression. first the narrator is like, "woo! gotta be not defeated!" and then the narrator is like, "damn, i wanna die."

why? imagine what she is seeing beyond the hill: those who are "asleep". is she afraid? worried -or maybe convinced- that she will become one of them anyway?
yeah. just. you think about that.

[Kirsten H.]

Wow, I really liked your poem. I had to read it a couple of times. Really interesting. I like how you included "thoughts are born and die on repeat", it gives really good insight into what the persons mind is going through, how it's explains the shifting ideas.

[Natty Dread]

Wow, thanks a lot. I'm glad you spent some time on it and noticed the nuances. It means so much to me! :)

[Brett N]

Very good. My favorite line is, "At the apex, night swallows the moon like a cave." I also like the transition of the author's attitude, although I have to admit I did not completely pick it up the first time I read it. I'm not much of a poetry guy, but this one is really good.

[Natty Dread]

:) :) :)

merci millefois